Divorce hurts. It hurts you, it hurts your spouse, and if you have children it will hurt them too. You will all have to work extra hard to get through divorce without letting bitterness or blame come into the picture.
50% of marriages end in divorce, so it is hard to say it will never happen to you. Truth is, life happens, and sometimes we don’t all react to it the same way. Maybe he cheated. Maybe you lied. Maybe both of you wake up one morning and you can’t stand another day of anger.
Whatever the cause, it’s never the children’s fault! However, in their minds, the world revolves around their world, and it is natural for them to be afraid they have done something wrong.
The best thing you can do is to sit down and be honest with your kids. If things are that bad, they probably already know something is not right! You don’t have to get into specifics, or whose fault the divorce is - just concentrate on reassuring them that they are still loved by both parents.
Be prepared for some anger towards one or both parents. Be patient, and remember; their world just got turned on end, and it will take time for them to accept the breakup.
Under no circumstances should you use the children to get back at your ex! Don’t put the other parent down in front of your kids, or try to make your children pick a side. They are confused enough without being pushed to choose between you.
This can become especially hard if one person starts dating again. Your children may feel they have to hate the interloper for your sake, and the anger and frustration can well up making them resentful of the newcomer, as well as of you for not winning your partner back. Try to let them know that everyone deserves to be happy!
The best way to handle a divorce is to try to keep some respect between you and your former spouse, and to agree always to put the children’s happiness and wellbeing first. Then you can know that even if the marriage failed, you didn’t fail your children!
i am agree. My girlfriend went through divorce and it was a nightmare. it was a drama everyday. She couldn’t control her emotions. The result is that her son who is 15 decided to live with his step father not with her.
I and my ex-husband decided not to live together, but we promised to never talk bad about eachother to our children. We have been apart ten months, and it is hard, but the kids know we still all love eachother, we just can’t be married anymore.