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It happened four years ago, two weeks before Halloween…

My daughter was 13 years old. My husband and my daughter are best friends. He drives her to school every morning, making lunch and giving her valuable advices about the boys. But one night …

My husband came home from work and told me that he needed to talk to me about something very important. He had this sad face and looked like he had to make very important decision in his life. I got a little worried and after the dinner when kids were watching TV I asked him what was wrong.

My husband: “Babe… you know I love your daughter very much. I treat her like my own and do a lot for her.”

Me: “Yes, Honey? Tell me what is going on?!

My husband: “Well, you know for the last two weeks, every morning when I am driving Sofia to school she starts requesting something that I cannot really do for her…”

Me: “Yes????!!”

My Husband: “She wants me….. to wear a “Banana” costume for the Halloween, you know, this big yellow banana costume!!! I am a serious person and lot of people know me. I just cannot do it but I do not want to hurt her feelings…”

Me: “Bruce!!! What feelings????”

Me: “Sofia!!! What banana costume???”

Sofia: “Oh, come on! I was just jooookiiiiing. Just wanted to see his reaction!”

Bruce: “Whew!”

I guess Sofia got her holidays mixed up!!!

Parenting advice: always ask your teenager what does she/he really mean.

I have seventeen year old daughter. She was basically perfect until she became fifteen and a half. She used to love spending time with me. She used to love our walks and enjoyed visiting my friends. She used to be very supportive when she saw that I was tired, and liked it when I tucked her in bed. She always had a strong character and a mind of her own, but it was not a problem till she was fifteen and a half.

I remember four years ago my friends started to ask me how I was handling having a girl in the high school. I was proud to say:“ I do not know what are you talking about. My Sofia is great! She is studying hard. She is helping me around the house. She likes to spend Sundays with family.” “Wow! You are lucky!” they said.

Yes, I used to feel that I am lucky but things have changed since she became fifteen and a half. Now my oldest daughter is seventeen and a half. I am soooo tired of being the mother of a teenager!

Teenagers are funny. One day they love you to death, next day they hate you, the day after next day they are so indifferent it’s like you do not exist anymore. I feel like I am on a roller coaster every day.

I knew it was supposed to happen! I read about it in all the books. But when it came down to me and my own child, I just can’t seem to understand or accept it! Call me stupid.

I guess every teenager has to go through the separation process with their parents. I will do whatever all those books said and I will try to be patient. I just want it to be OVER. Just tell me, how much longer will I suffer?

My daughter was the sweetest angel. I was such a proud mom when I gave birth to her! It was a great pleasure to have a child! She was so loving, sweet and affectionate! We were always having a wonderful time together. We were playing, reading, learning and snuggling together. All the years from her birth, to childcare, to school age I was thinking that to be a mom is like being in the heaven with an angel.  I would never even think that one day it could change…

The transition from an adorable child to a teenager was like a thunderstorm in the middle of a sunny day! One day my little angel just decided that she grew up and could do everything by herself. She thought that she knows what is best to do after school, how to choose friends, and what TV program to watch, etc. She is still listening to me about school and health issues but has become totally independent about her private life decisions. My daughter’s adolescence was a shock to me in the beginning. Fortunately, I have read books about teens learned that I do not have to survive it. Instead, I have a tremendous opportunity to forge new connections between us. I realized that I couldn’t treat her as a little girl anymore. I have to give her an opportunity to grow, mature and become an independent woman. We are still spending our mother/daughter time together but in different ways.

I would suggest to moms who are having a hard time adjusting to their teens become better friend to with them and give them a chance to grow up. You should prepare yourself that it won’t be easy but it is worth it. Very often children in their adolescence act unpredictable and not respectful. I remember one morning we had a great breakfast and a very intimate conversation. I felt that we had a real connection. Two hours later she came to my room to borrow some of my clothes and said while looking at me” I think you gained a lot of weight and this lipstick makes you so old. By the way, can you drive me to my friend’s house?”  

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