I am sure that we all have oodles of funny mom stories. In fact, weekly breakfasts with my mommy friends is often my favourite time of the week as we get to share our stories with each other. My favourite mommy story to tell is about my two year old daughter Kristin and I thought that I would share it with you.
After a long day with my daughter, I was beginning to prepare dinner for the family. My husband would be home in a few hours and I wanted to have something special planned. My daughter was watching me cook which was always one of my favourite times of the day. She was generally very good at keeping herself busy and loved to participate in many activities. She loved to color, to play with her toys and sometimes she just enjoyed watching me cook dinner. It was cute to listen to her speak as she was in that exploratory phase. She wanted to know what everything was and when she found out, she would practice saying the words.
After about an hour or so, my husband walked through the door, he said hello and was ready to sit down to eat. Just as we were about to start eating, Kristin began to throw a fit. While I was used to it every now and again, I was frustrated that she had to pick then to throw a big one. In an attempt to enjoy dinner with my husband, I sent her out of the room. I told her not to step foot in the kitchen until we had completed our dinner.
Our kitchen was adjacent to our dining room and because there were two different floorings between the two rooms, there was a distinct line in between the carpet and the tile. To continue with her defiant streak, Kristin stood along the line and stuck her big toe across it while staring at us both directly in the face and not saying a word. After all, she was not stepping a foot into the kitchen, just her big toe. It was then that I knew I was going to have a nightmarish teenage phase with this one!
Enjoy your children’s stories and be sure to write down your favourites. Not only will your family and friends get a kick out of them, but your children will enjoy listening to them later in life. And, don’t forget that they can be the best stories to tell your future daughter or son in law’s!!

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Yesterday, my eight year old daughter had a friend over for a play date. I was watching the news in the kitchen and girls were having lunch. I had witnessed a \very interesting conversation between my daughter and her friend.

My daughter: “Did you watch the president election on CNN?”

Her Friend: “Of course! You know the president’s daughters are going to have a new puppy!”

My daughter: “Yes, It is so cool! Did you also see another old guy speaking?”

Her Friend: “What guy?”

My daughter: “Another guy, who looks like a Santa Claus. He also wanted to be a president but didn’t win.”

Her Friend: “Oh! Yes, I remember him. He is with Sarah Palin. Last night I had a nightmare about her.”

Me: “What??? You had a nightmare about Sarah Palin???”

Her Friend: “Yes, in my dream she was a vampire. She wanted my blood!”

My daughter: “Oh! Gosh! This is scary!”

It is scary that these days even eight year olds are getting political.

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It happened four years ago, two weeks before Halloween…

My daughter was 13 years old. My husband and my daughter are best friends. He drives her to school every morning, making lunch and giving her valuable advices about the boys. But one night …

My husband came home from work and told me that he needed to talk to me about something very important. He had this sad face and looked like he had to make very important decision in his life. I got a little worried and after the dinner when kids were watching TV I asked him what was wrong.

My husband: “Babe… you know I love your daughter very much. I treat her like my own and do a lot for her.”

Me: “Yes, Honey? Tell me what is going on?!

My husband: “Well, you know for the last two weeks, every morning when I am driving Sofia to school she starts requesting something that I cannot really do for her…”

Me: “Yes????!!”

My Husband: “She wants me….. to wear a “Banana” costume for the Halloween, you know, this big yellow banana costume!!! I am a serious person and lot of people know me. I just cannot do it but I do not want to hurt her feelings…”

Me: “Bruce!!! What feelings????”

Me: “Sofia!!! What banana costume???”

Sofia: “Oh, come on! I was just jooookiiiiing. Just wanted to see his reaction!”

Bruce: “Whew!”

I guess Sofia got her holidays mixed up!!!

Parenting advice: always ask your teenager what does she/he really mean.

I go to the gym between two and four days a week. It depends on my mood and what am I doing. Very few people go to gym because they truly enjoy and love to work out. OK, my husband does, but he’s the exception. The rest of us go to the gym because it is healthy, or we like to get out of the house and talk to the people, or we just want to escape from daily problems.

I have to admit that most of the time I have to force myself to go to the gym. I would rather crash on the sofa and watch TV, or take a nap. So, I tell myself: “ Just get up and go, and once you are there, you will like it”. So true! After 20 minutes of forcing myself through the paces on the treadmill I feel a huge sense of accomplishment and that inspires me to do even more!

I usually do cardio exercise for one hour and work out with weights for thirty minutes. After a quick spell in the sauna and a dip in the Jacuzzi I feel like a completely new person! Life is wonderful! However, one thing about the gym is annoying me so much that I cannot keep it to myself any longer.

We have a lot of TV screens in our gum. Every treadmill has a TV; the weights area has few Tvs; there is even a TV in the changing room. It’s all good. I like to watch the news or something entertaining when I am working out! It what OTHER people watch that has me upset. I noticed that most of the people are watching cooking channels! This is CRAZZZY! When I see it my stomach starts grumbling. It boosts my appetite even if I am not hungry. I just want to quit, run out of gym to the nearest café and order a big fatty steak or plate of meat loaf.

Can somebody tell me what is wrong with all these people? Why do they do that? Are they CRAZZZY??!!

Many kids have that first hint of puppy love in first grade or even earlier! In my son’s case, the crush hit in Pre-K with Charlie Brown swiftness. The little redheaded girl latched onto him as he walked into the gym, and he was a goner.

My son came home that day and could talk about nothing but Emma - she said this, she did that. Her last name, appropriately enough, was ‘Truelove’, and she had captured my little boy’s heart!

The infatuation continued on through Kindergarten as they ended up in the same class, and they stayed inseparable all year. They attended each other’s birthday parties, hung out at recess, and my boy finally confided in me that Emma was ‘his girl’ - although he was keeping Jessie Johnson on a string for ‘backup’.

We had a little talk about that! If a five year old can ‘go steady’, then he should be man enough to declare himself and not play both ends against the middle! So Emma it was, and still is, even though they are now in separate classes in first grade and don’t have the same recess, they talk on the phone till late hours and pass notes in the hall.

Puppy love. It’s soooo cute!

I adore my husband. I do. He’s an awesome father, a wonderful toilet scrubber and vacuum wielder, and he can even cook for himself.

But he‘s got a few hang-ups. There are a few things he just doesn’t do! He won’t come straight out and say it, but he has his ways of letting me know.

On this list are such items as dealing with throw-up and poop. It’s simple - he leaps to his feet like a champion, volunteers to clean it up, gets within ten feet of the offending product and gags, dashing to the bathroom to puke.

We are at the point where I just wave him away when I hear the cat gagging in the hall, or my one-year-old looks up with that beatific smile that lets us know he has successfully downloaded. It’s not worth it - I’ll just end up cleaning up after hubby, too!

Another chore is laundry. Now, I shouldn’t complain - he is awesome about hanging up his own shirts, and will match baby socks and fold towels cheerfully. I just can’t get him to put his dirty clothes in the basket! One inch to the right of the basket, sure thing. I obligingly move it over a hair, and next night his socks land one inch to the left.

Not to mention if he actually washes a load I end up with a pile of half inside out pink socks. He also has only to look at the file cabinet for me to leap forward and start tidying frantically - a whole season’s tax papers went missing one year after he ‘helped’ me go through them.

What can I say? It makes him nuts that I forget to close the cabinet doors, and I know he really doesn’t get why I will hang a damp towel over the rod to let it dry so I can reuse it on my hair when I could just get a fresh one next time. He also pretends not to know me when I accost perfect strangers in the bookstore to ask them questions - so I guess I make him crazy, too.

But for better or worse, he’s mine and I’m his, so I guess I’ll put up with the soda cans full of sunflower seeds that he leaves in strategic places around the house as long as he lets me read at the table!

Happy Anniversary, Babe. ☺

Sarah P.

You know that program about kids who say the darnedest things? Here’s my own gem, from a few years back…

Our washer had broken down and the part was on order, so I found myself at the Laundromat one Sunday afternoon. I was hugely pregnant with my second child, and had my 18 month old daughter in tow.

My little girl was really good at the Laundromat. Didn’t run up and down and make me chase her, like a lot of the other moms were having to chase their kids. Didn’t try to get into the soap, or drag the dry clothes I was folding down off the table.

I was proud. So when I was almost ready to leave, I gave her a quarter to put in the little toy machine by the door. You know the kind - you put a coin or two in, twist the handle and a little plastic capsule drops out into your hand, which you subsequently chip a nail trying to open.

She diligently inserted her two bits, and solemnly cranked the handle. The plastic ball was blue, and after I forced it open a little black thing about an inch and a half long dropped into my palm. I had to look at it to realize it was a tiny replica of a pistol.

Well, we didn’t really have toy guns in our house. Daddy had a hunting rifle and a shotgun, but they were kept under lock and key. I wasn’t sure she would even know what it was. I was sooo wrong.

She grabbed from my hand and whirled to face the room. Planting her feet slightly apart, she held the pretend gun in both hands, using the perfect teacup grip well known to FBI academy graduates.

“Put your hands on the car!” she bellowed. Heads turned and jaws dropped across the crowded space. “Put your hands on the car! Do it! NOW!!!”

About fifty people cracked up. I think I saw one guy actually fall out of his chair, he was laughing so hard. I rushed my innocent little future law enforcement officer out to the car pronto.

She had obviously spent wayyy to much time with Daddy that weekend watching re-runs of COPS!

What’s the funniest thing your kid ever said? Share, please!

Best,

Sarah P.

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