I adore my husband. I do. He’s an awesome father, a wonderful toilet scrubber and vacuum wielder, and he can even cook for himself.

But he‘s got a few hang-ups. There are a few things he just doesn’t do! He won’t come straight out and say it, but he has his ways of letting me know.

On this list are such items as dealing with throw-up and poop. It’s simple - he leaps to his feet like a champion, volunteers to clean it up, gets within ten feet of the offending product and gags, dashing to the bathroom to puke.

We are at the point where I just wave him away when I hear the cat gagging in the hall, or my one-year-old looks up with that beatific smile that lets us know he has successfully downloaded. It’s not worth it - I’ll just end up cleaning up after hubby, too!

Another chore is laundry. Now, I shouldn’t complain - he is awesome about hanging up his own shirts, and will match baby socks and fold towels cheerfully. I just can’t get him to put his dirty clothes in the basket! One inch to the right of the basket, sure thing. I obligingly move it over a hair, and next night his socks land one inch to the left.

Not to mention if he actually washes a load I end up with a pile of half inside out pink socks. He also has only to look at the file cabinet for me to leap forward and start tidying frantically - a whole season’s tax papers went missing one year after he ‘helped’ me go through them.

What can I say? It makes him nuts that I forget to close the cabinet doors, and I know he really doesn’t get why I will hang a damp towel over the rod to let it dry so I can reuse it on my hair when I could just get a fresh one next time. He also pretends not to know me when I accost perfect strangers in the bookstore to ask them questions - so I guess I make him crazy, too.

But for better or worse, he’s mine and I’m his, so I guess I’ll put up with the soda cans full of sunflower seeds that he leaves in strategic places around the house as long as he lets me read at the table!

Happy Anniversary, Babe. ☺

Sarah P.

You know that program about kids who say the darnedest things? Here’s my own gem, from a few years back…

Our washer had broken down and the part was on order, so I found myself at the Laundromat one Sunday afternoon. I was hugely pregnant with my second child, and had my 18 month old daughter in tow.

My little girl was really good at the Laundromat. Didn’t run up and down and make me chase her, like a lot of the other moms were having to chase their kids. Didn’t try to get into the soap, or drag the dry clothes I was folding down off the table.

I was proud. So when I was almost ready to leave, I gave her a quarter to put in the little toy machine by the door. You know the kind - you put a coin or two in, twist the handle and a little plastic capsule drops out into your hand, which you subsequently chip a nail trying to open.

She diligently inserted her two bits, and solemnly cranked the handle. The plastic ball was blue, and after I forced it open a little black thing about an inch and a half long dropped into my palm. I had to look at it to realize it was a tiny replica of a pistol.

Well, we didn’t really have toy guns in our house. Daddy had a hunting rifle and a shotgun, but they were kept under lock and key. I wasn’t sure she would even know what it was. I was sooo wrong.

She grabbed from my hand and whirled to face the room. Planting her feet slightly apart, she held the pretend gun in both hands, using the perfect teacup grip well known to FBI academy graduates.

“Put your hands on the car!” she bellowed. Heads turned and jaws dropped across the crowded space. “Put your hands on the car! Do it! NOW!!!”

About fifty people cracked up. I think I saw one guy actually fall out of his chair, he was laughing so hard. I rushed my innocent little future law enforcement officer out to the car pronto.

She had obviously spent wayyy to much time with Daddy that weekend watching re-runs of COPS!

What’s the funniest thing your kid ever said? Share, please!

Best,

Sarah P.

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